Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
