idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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