The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
