I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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