An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
