i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
