Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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