I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
