i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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