Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize