Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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