Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
