I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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