I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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