If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
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I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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