I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
