Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
