left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
