sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
