I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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