I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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