Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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