Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
