New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize