I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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