Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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