It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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