If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
