I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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