U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
