I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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