how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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