The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
