My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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