Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize