...so i touched it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
