A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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