big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
