Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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