I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
