Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
only you would photoshop your dick
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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