He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
