my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
