I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
