Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.