and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.