Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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