I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
