i already hear my dad disowning me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
