??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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