Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
