Christians are straight up FREAKS
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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