You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
