we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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