When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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