I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
