i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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