You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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