hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
