and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
