Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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