just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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