im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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