i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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