I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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