his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
