I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Let's paint friendship bongs
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Bring me that man meat
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
