is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
