I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
