At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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