I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
