I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
