I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
