i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
