We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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