What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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