everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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